vicious cycle

i stare at the blue messages until my vision blurs

i’ve cried too much at other things so

my face is dry

maybe i should be embarrassed

you told me you would always find time for me

i was the one

where is that love now?

is this always going to happen?

what about next year? if this keeps happening this year

it will be worse next year

me waiting for that red dot to show up again and again

i stare at the blue messages until my vision blurs

every time we do have a conversation, i read it again and again

milking it completely

hoping to get something new from it because

i don’t know when the next conversation will happen

i don’t know when the next conversation will happen

i’m trying to reason, trying to convince myself it’s not your fault

but you keep leaving?

it happens every night

and every night,

and every night

hitting like a hammer on a nail

until it bends

and i can’t fathom an excuse

maybe this will be invalid later but right now

i feel worthless sitting here

in the dark, waiting for you

like i have done for so many other people

and for some reason

they always leave

and i always let them

too scared to question their logic

and ask why they didn’t care for me

ever

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