fascination

it rained today

heavy and uncontrollable

with sharp lightning strikes

the sky is never truly black

but often a light grey

with a hint of pink

i succumbed to the darkness though

pressing my lips to the cool windowpane

leaving clear chapstick kisses on it

like i did with him

pushing in to the glass to get as close

to this danger as i could

i saw the rain under the lamppost

sheet after sheet

playing its orchestrated symphony

that lulled me, nursed my love

made me feel smart

made me feel worthy

like i needed to be in this world

many here treat me like i’m stupid

mentally slow or dumb

and i believe them

feeling heavy, dropping my chin to my chest

some days

never doing enough for people

letting gravity suck me to the floor

covering my face with my hands

smelling of cheap soap or lavender

and lost friendships

feeling empty

some days

looking at them

toss their shiny hair

without thought

being pretty

without trying

saying we’re insecure too

but less so than me

not knowing possible differences and difficulties

my lips parting breath fogging on the glass

blurring my view of the outside world

to a colorful mist staying looking up

not seeing the rain coming down but landing

puddles soaking my feet feeling safe in the middle of nowhere

making me

at home

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