gnaw

being so in sync

yet so separated

amidst all of the chaos reigning thick amongst me

if you’re going through hell

keep going she said to me

in the pale watery bathroom

crying into my worn maroon sweater

clenching the bear trap in my jaw

smiling slightly at the flower tree in the alumnae garden

feeling like i always need to paint away my sorrows

these roses had no thorns

yet for some reason

i have been nicked

my waist being urged up

but my heart being pushed down

save for some special occasion

i realize,

if we did not have what we had today

if the roles were reversed,

would it be the same?

my chest being dug out by a pointed shovel

planting weeds growing solid and intertwining

suffocating me and my infant i hold in my brain

wishing the sun would harvest

some sort of steadfast happiness

i am in flood now

waters over pouring into others

not even Noah’s Ark can save them

from the inevitable danger they must face

if you’re going through hell

keep going he said to me

as i wrenched out a daisy from my veins

and offered it to him, bloody and gut stained

from misuse

funnily enough

my family has less in common

with these people

trying in vain

to see the vine of connection

between us

seeing only

the drought

of a thousand summers

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