godless love

i can assure you nothing feels worse

than to be creator

of a godless love

shaping sand castles to fit the palm of my hand

only to have it be sunk by daily tides

rocks melting to grains that shatter through my fingers

because I could not understand how that might have happened.

 

i can assure you everything will fall apart

if you let it.

burying yourself alive within sight of the devil

so that at least he could keep you company as you nurse a beer in

the space

where she used to be

will wholeheartedly destroy you.

you dug your grave

now die in it.

 

get behind me, angel!

you are merely a celestial being in my eyes.

no longer are you human-

instead you are surrounded by harsh, piercing light

that blinds me and brings me to my knees.

you may have tricked God with your love for me

but Lucifer was an angel too.

fire place

oh, touch me!

my god you burn me

what joy i get

in sharing in your spark

we never burn out

some days it is pulsing burning

like a fire under a slow cooking meat

savory and delicious

some days it is a quick burn

like when a firework explodes

or when liquor is ablaze with flames.

your touch is the match

and i am your willing campfire

popping and crackling with timid

anticipation

i awaken, alive, from you, and come away smelling like you

escape with me

into the woods of desire

engulfed in the smoke

of our fascination

should our embers smolder

you know any small breath

will warm our golden spirits

once again.

the self

today i remembered

self-care is a practice

much like a sport

every day, the athlete must convince themselves

that they are strong and healthy

even if some days

they feel they are not.

some days they are tired from the day’s tests

and would rather sleep away their exhaustion

but instead they push on

self-care is a habit

not an inheritance

even for the most confident of people

if you do not feel wanted

make other people feel wanted

fill others up

on your emptiness

your cornucopia

will be full to overflowing

within a week

pájarito

mi pájarito

me ve cuando yo me despierto.

cerca de mi ventana, ella canta sobre su vida.

El arroyo, el arroyo, el arroyo, ella canta

Me encontrarás en el arroyo.

Ven y siéntate, si tu quieras.

Mis alas te traerán.

mi pájarito

nunca se queda antes de despertarme.

siempre sale en un suspiro del cielo.

¡adios! ¡adios! mis ojos le digo

nos juntaramos otra vez

en el agua del arroyo

mi pájarito.

(please excuse or point out any incorrect use of language. spanish is not my first language, but I thought I would try this out)

woman!

woman!

she is quiet, with a love of flowers that bloom in the cracks of the sidewalks

woman!

i have to take a breath to stay afloat in the loud booming tremors of her voice.

woman!

she spends hours laboring, painting her art, perfecting her craft.

woman!

she hates makeup, but makes up who she is in the black in her hair and a kick of the ball.

woman!

she is remarkable, resilient. she grows a new life all on her own.

woman!

she cries alone, in the dark, in an alleyway with a hand over her mouth. she is wishing he had left the bar.

woman!

the only laws she can follow are written on her skin, embedded in her hair. they leave bruises, blisters, pains that never go away.

woman!

she bears the nations secrets in her fingernails. the child’s rise, the man’s downfall.

woman!

she is a woman.

a stream diverged from the river.

ah, to sing, to sail!

i scrub my face, to no avail

traveller in the mountain, from where do you hail?

from glory, from gold, from water in a pail

i rinse my chest, to feel the bone

for none the rest, this is my home

my center, my core, the landing zone

for countless seeds that have harvested and grown

i wash my legs, the steady steeds,

full and round, with muscles, with speed,

they kneel down to let me pull out the weeds

of self doubt; i cleanse of anger and greed.

but my mouth! too hastily it gulps down this sweet drink,

now i am only left to wonder: what will other people think?

photograph

i looked at her

frozen in black and white

holding a drink that would never be emptied

smiling a smile that would never fade

she hides in between pages

like she did in the orange tree grove

one million years ago.

sarah, sarah, i’ll call out to her

where is your story now?

in a flash of blue checkers, there she’ll be

tracing my lips with her tan thumb

and wickedly grinning,

because she knows she has me

wrapped around her finger.

my story is with you, she’ll giggle

but also with the man with the blue eyes

she saw in the street

and with the boy she kissed

for the first time on

her fifteenth birthday

and with the black haired man

she was with for twelve years

who left her in the dripping of water

quickly and smoothly

and now she can’t get him out of her head.

where have you been, my love?

it’s not where i’ve been, she’ll say

it’s where i haven’t gone.

I never truly learned how to leave

I just learned how to step over

the holes they left in my life.

I looked at her

white dress in one hand

and smooth collarbones sitting high

atop her chest

a girl like her loves so much

but leaves so little behind

as she burns out in grenade love

that imploded in its attempt

to explode

my little girl sarah

ran away from me

and planted herself in black and white

never to become more than

a thousand words.

galaxy

he bears

paper stars and crystal hearts

that sparkle and crumple

in the withering wind

let them touch me, dear friend!

let the paper burn the skin of the palm.

the glass reflects on my

dark curly hair

and i count them, one by one

make a wish, child.

let your head rest

in the pillow of desires.

for joy, for joy, for joy!

to think i’d never find happiness

in the deep sky.

i am my own victor

in the kaleidoscope of colored dust.

to heaven with you,

light streams from every crevice of my body

and mixes with the milky clouds of my stomach.

no longer am i a planet orbiting a sun,

but i am the entire milky way.

daily anthem.

the rain drips down over my pain

things will never be different, will never be the same

caught in two realities, come share the reigns

driving my horse up to the night train

then falling, falling, cutting a vein

grazed upon the sharp and deadly rock

of sinner’s sad songs of ridicule and mock

oh the tables have turned, now the gun i cock

against my temple, deep in shock

i want to lie, i want to lie

can’t you hear my angry cry?

why didn’t you just sentence me to die?

were you too timid, were you too shy?

Please, tell me, don’t make me wait

why couldn’t you just give me hate?

it would have hurt less, but now its too late

i have turned and locked the gate

i want to die, i want to die

winds, come pick up this lonely sigh

take it out of my mouth, and blow it high

till i can’t breathe, or fail to try

when is it over? when will it end?

very soon, very soon,

very soon, my friend.