i. H(ear)
I’m
Caught
In between two
Different worlds that
Never seem to ever quite
Meet right in the middle
Where I want them to.
Shrieking ears, they
Have a mouth of
Their own.
Yet they never
speak what I want
I cannot hear
Here.
ii. (Deaf)ine
The
sunrise
When I awake
Tastes like honey
Mixed with fresh white milk
Birds do not sing but yet
Provide the fruit of song.
streams don’t chatter
but yet fill me with
undecided joy.
I am a vagabond
to sensation
but I am not
lost.
i can assure you nothing feels worse
than to be creator
of a godless love
shaping sand castles to fit the palm of my hand
only to have it be sunk by daily tides
rocks melting to grains that shatter through my fingers
because I could not understand how that might have happened.
i can assure you everything will fall apart
if you let it.
burying yourself alive within sight of the devil
so that at least he could keep you company as you nurse a beer in
the space
where she used to be
will wholeheartedly destroy you.
you dug your grave
now die in it.
get behind me, angel!
you are merely a celestial being in my eyes.
no longer are you human-
instead you are surrounded by harsh, piercing light
that blinds me and brings me to my knees.
you may have tricked God with your love for me
but Lucifer was an angel too.
women everywhere, beware!
you can’t have fat, or scars, or hair
you can’t be hard, or soft, or sure
can’t ever give up or walk out the door
you have to do well in every sense
body, blood, and brain resilient
yet we are reduced to flesh, what we wear
we worry about how we look every day, everywhere
but who cares?
we take up space and we are there.
half of the world, we are whole
bind in body, bind in soul
we ache, we cry, we boil, we seethe
we enter a room with our heart on our sleeves.
women have something important to share
in every place, every space, and everywhere.
if you knew
my love for you
you could count
all the stars in the universe
all the grains of sand on the beach
all the blades of grass on the earth
if you could feel
my fruitful gaze
you could stop war
find a cure for cancer
and create world peace
all at the same time-
if only you could truly sense
how i care for you
a trip to the pool
wouldn’t feel like
a death sentence.
if you could look
when you aren’t looking
you would see my unconditional promise
if you could comprehend the beauty
i behold within you
never again would you feel
below the earth,
invincible, untouchable, unreachable you would be,
brazen and daring, basking in the confidence from my love
till i could barely hold you by my fingertips
slipping away from me
until you became someone
i cannot recognize
protected by perfection
if you saw
all the love i have for you
you could move mountains!
but alas, the world turns on
there is still hate that burns
like a dropped match.
you are clumsy, unknowing, innocent.
so i go on loving you.
freezing feet thaw warm under white sheets. the blue striped comforter is worn, but clean. i sit on the queen bed and breathe in the air of dusk. i can smell the metal of the screening that surrounds this outdoor patio. it’s a sharp smell, with mosquitos and summer’s dirt packed onto it.
the daylight is fading, with the heat following it. slowly, my body begins to lose its insulation under my thin lavender pajamas. with my bare feet, i walk over the blue wood floor to gaze at the empty grass backyard beyond, my vision webbed by the pattern of the screen door.
a gust of wind blows by on this summer night, making my chilled body even colder. goosebumps spring on my arms, and i shiver slightly. i walk back to the bed in the middle of the room and crawl under the blankets, smelling of detergent and fresh starch.
there is never a time where I am starving, going to bed hungry. there is never a time when i consider my thumb is going to fall off because of frostbite. there is never a time where i feel my blankets are suffocating me, pushing me down into a hot darkness. freezing feet thaw warm under white sheets.
and yet my body weakens. i spend my days wasting away in sleep. the sun moves through the sky, my breath is never the same, but still i close my eyes and lose consciousness. the sheets become too white during the day, blinding me in the reflection of the sun.
people say it is a privilege to sleep in, but what of it?
freezing feet thaw warm under white sheets.
man, i look at my boy
green in his eagerness
i look at his brown eyes in the sunlight
i think about him on my couch
boys make me bittersweet
in their coffee delight
warm and decadent in the morning
fresh cream and sugar on a breezy spring sunrise
then my warm taste fades to lukewarm chalk
they grow tired of my flavor
now old and overused
the caffeine doesn’t stimulate them anymore
cheap black reflections in a paper cup, not for the taste but the dollar thrill
how i long to simply be a chat over a cup of tea and nothing else!
it seems no boy has taken their drink straight with me.
who am i but an average joe?
ah! someday i shall feel like
a shot of espresso to someone i suppose.
oh, touch me!
my god you burn me
what joy i get
in sharing in your spark
we never burn out
some days it is pulsing burning
like a fire under a slow cooking meat
savory and delicious
some days it is a quick burn
like when a firework explodes
or when liquor is ablaze with flames.
your touch is the match
and i am your willing campfire
popping and crackling with timid
anticipation
i awaken, alive, from you, and come away smelling like you
escape with me
into the woods of desire
engulfed in the smoke
of our fascination
should our embers smolder
you know any small breath
will warm our golden spirits
once again.
the ducks are still here
in packs of thousands they grow
they wade their webbed feet
in water too slow
they sit on the steps
of capitol hill
the money they get
is not in a bill
they waddle around, a lame flock of feathers
their wings get ruffled when they talk about weather
the ducks are still here, with their ducklings so forlorn,
in a winter too cold, and a summer too warm
they crowd up the parks, and the cities, the nation,
they procrastinate their v-shaped cold sky migration
the horizon is cluttered, defaced, and spoiled
all because these ducks swam into the oil
they come again, but never do they go,
if the ducks have to stay here,
please line them up in a row.
dark nights and cherry fights
passion pit makes passion pit in my stomach
against blurred lines
and a georgetown shrine
i am yours, but are you mine?
car brights and dashboard lights
we got it wrong, we got it right
pear tarts and chocolate rivers
sunken in a bridge so blue
long roads and small shivers
fountains pouring with water true
i overlook
my old outlook
replace it with the sight of you
sweet tastes and Watergate
floating by on land unknown
curly hair twined with straight
hair burning with the fire low
i wonder now when i drive by,
i am yours, but are you mine?
learning my place 