a clean mess

oh darling

you’re going to tear yourself to pieces to make her whole

like i did with you?

oh my love

if only you knew

if only you stepped outside of yourself

to see that leech crawling up to the back of your neck

if only you hadn’t been filled to the brim with stars

that are on the verge of exploding

because i look at you look at her every day

and i watch the green sky before a tornado

oh sweetheart

she’s never going to complete you

no matter how much you want her to

because you’ll spit at me, call me names, poison me, make me go mad

but you’ll always remember

what i did for you

because i am the tangy aftertaste of a milk popsicle on a hot day

my fruit sweetening and coloring your mouth

it will take more than just a washing of the lips

to get me out

i am a hiccup after a filling meal

the flavors of savory and heavy ingredients still lingering on your tongue

and invading your other senses with a stop of your heart

i’ll disappear somehow, but don’t hold your breath on it

because even though you have left me

i have never truly left you.

 

 

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rebirth

this is my blessed week

my week, where among tired toiling

among cold shoulders and heavy boulders

when the world screams for me to fix its problems

i have found peace

i have found peace in an unlikely yet obvious place

comfort when i was not seeking it

my sleepy vigil in that small pond in the corner of the concourse

my shaking hands taking up a closed lotus flower from the surface

and waiting, praying for its blooming

when the one next to it was open and ready to receive me

we must find a piece of peace

amidst the wreckage of past mistakes

i left with everything

and came back with nothing

but empty soul and a bitter taste

my mother says when you care about something

they will use that against you

they will destroy you and make you feel stupid for caring

yet here you are

petal by petal

rebuilding my strength again

perhaps it was not what i had hoped for

but it is surely there

growing through the mud

i cannot look back

i cannot return to who i once was

i must only look forward

to you

sunday blues

she left me on a tuesday.

funnily enough, it was one of the most beautiful new york days i had seen in a while.

where the leaves were just turning red and orange like sour candy

and the wind pushed your back, urging you to go on

i got you on a thursday

but a summer thursday is different than an autumn tuesday

i had looked at the lake in your eyes

and the sun made me drunk with passion

and my freedom made me wild with thought

then two days later, on a scorching saturday

you slipped from my fingers in a hot car on the highway

and even though you watch me from the other side of the lake

i still feel as if you are a water mirage on a burning road

where far away, you are plentiful and hydrating

yet when i rush up to you, you disappear completely

a figment of my imagination, like a rainy wednesday

who are you anymore?

you are a fairytale to me,

a myth that might have once been true.

i have become as frigid as a winter friday

save for his spring mondays he brings

in your absence

do you even know

how much i have frozen with you gone?

so here i am,

with snow softly drifting on my heart

on a blue sunday night.

lamentation

i wished to say nothing except your name

my song of glory

my paean, my psalm

i wished for you to feed from my hand by the lake

and for stars to explode in your eyes

i wished for you to be comforted

to hear only my tinkling laughter

and not the storm that was beating at my back as I encased you with my warmth

i wished to nurse your wounds

to use the clothes off my body to bind up the cuts

even if they were stained with my own blood

i wished for you to thrive, to grow and to see the supple lilies growing by our lake

i wished to let you go when you were ready

i wished to behold your unborn child

so that their name might fall from your lips too

like the waterfall above our lake

i wished for you to be everything to me

but now i am nothing to you.

a warning to time

slow down! you’re going too fast

i should give you a speeding ticket, cheetah.

the breath went out of me when you whizzed past

you tricky thing, you.

like a snake in the grass

you slithered up to me and bit me in the ankle

injecting me with your sour venom

that brings fire to my veins

and a sorrow to my heart

you monkey!

swinging from vine to vine, chittering wildly for hours

and dangling my prized possessions just a hair from my grasp

snatching them away and laughing when i try to wrangle them from your hands

but yet when i ignore you, you are gone in a flash

escaping from the corner of my eye

to become hidden and silent

as if you are sorry for what you have done to me.

you dazzle me with your peacock tail of countless distractions

and false convictions

making me waste what was greatly needed.

When i urge you forward, you become stubborn as a mule

and refuse to go

until your needs are met.

You are gloriously infuriating, Time

stop making a zoo out of me.

words

they say loose lips sink ships

but i say

loose lips sink ships

only if those lips direct the cannon

only if they light the fire

at a sullen sailor’s simmering silence

to break down what they think is a threat

even if the ship shows signs of internal suffering

scattered seashells sighing into the sides of the ship

and i

i know those who point

and cry out to this ship

do not fear for the passengers

but fear for themselves

they watch a damaged deck screaming with the heaving hearts of thousands

without flinching

but wail when a victorious vessel touches the shore

too close for comfort

their mouths pinching closed

and spitting out bullets

curse words and slurs

or stretching wide open

and swallowing the ship whole

stomaching it like a bad meal

instead of a blessed beauty

sailors, stand your ground

let your loose lips sink the right ships

and end a fight

that never should have started

possession

you make me cry, and laugh, and weep

yet in your eyes my soul you keep

you make me swim through waters deep

with you i wake, with you i sleep

never tiring of counting sheep

like water i flow, like blood i seep

through rivers of veins and mountains steep

i rise to sow, i bend to reap

my scattered memories in a tiny heap

my wolf stays watching, ready to leap

through frugal savings i worked to sweep

you make me cry, and laugh, and weep

yet in your eyes my soul you keep.

The Storm

The storm is like a scream

angry and shaking

shaking the leaves

leaves of the branches

branches on my tree

repetitive hits

on my glass window

How is it not bruised yet?

I hear the force

I feel the fear

I see nothing-

my eyes are closed.

Lightning strikes

the flash wakes me

but I was never asleep

Thunder shakes my bones

dry and deep

I turn over in bed

but suddenly i’m falling

down

down

down

down into the sea of tears

or maybe

it’s a sea of fears

or maybe

it’s a sea of stars

up

up

falling    up

up into an empty sky

how did all of this happen

from a simple storm?

 

lucia

bodies

bodies for sale!

bodies for sale!

big ones, small ones

white ones, black ones, brown ones

some with soft round curves

some with strong full muscles

some with lightning bolts

and milk-in-tea skin

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some with stomachs that roll over like beach waves or puff like marshmallows

some that emit beautiful deep throated laughing

or melodic high pitched giggling

come get your bodies here!

if you can’t get a brand new one,

our gently used ones are in pristine condition as well

however, we sell both at the same price

we make sure that all of our customers get top quality

all our bodies with black hearts are half off

we tried to sell them full value for a while, but it turns out they were rotten

look, but don’t touch, sir

no two bodies are the same

which is our pride trademark in the industry

each body comes with its own care instructions

to ensure long-lasting results

and fulltime appreciation

because once you buy a body,

there are no refunds.

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